Name It to Tame It: Why Helping Kids Name Their Feelings Really Matters.
As parents, you would see your child experience huge emotions every day — for example, excitement that makes them bounce, frustration that turns into screaming, sadness that shows up in tears or silence.
Emotions can be big and messy, and they can also be very overwhelming and feel wild.
Here’s the good news; One of the most powerful tools you can teach your child is putting a name or label to the emotion they are feeling. By saying, “… oh Iris, looks like you are feeling sad… Kate, your body looks jumpy, are you excited…. Or wow, seems like that would be scary …. “ … It can shift how the chaotic feeling emotions are being processed in our child’s brain.
How it works.
Naming emotions helps process them because putting feelings into words activates brain regions involved in regulation, giving the experience more structure and less intensity. When you label an emotion—like saying “I feel anxious” or “I feel disappointed”—you move it from a vague, overwhelming sensation into something recognizable and manageable.
This clarity makes it easier to understand what the emotion is trying to signal, choose an appropriate response, and communicate your needs to others.
In short, naming emotions transforms them from something that controls you into something you can work with.
By helping kids identify and label emotions, we help them:
- Calm the Brain
Naming emotions reduces stress signals in the brain and supports emotional regulation — this is sometimes called “Name It to Tame It.” (Siegel & Bryson, 2011; Lieberman et al., 2007) - Strengthen Connection
When you name what your child feels, they can feel attuned. They sense that …”my parent gets me. I’m not alone.” - Build Clarity
The naming can help organise the feelings making them feel less chaotic and out of control. - Build Discomfort Tolerance
Kids learn that emotions — even tough ones — are mentionable and manageable (Rogers, 1994 ) - Boosts Emotional Intelligence
Children who learn emotional vocabulary show:- better social skills and empathy
- improved school outcomes
- fewer behavioural challenges
- stronger mental wellbeing.
When You’re Not Sure What They Feel…
Sometimes situations have the potential to elicit a whole range of feelings. It might be hard to pin-point which one your child might be feeling. If your child’s emotions are unclear, Try gentle curiosity by adding phrases like, “I wonder”…..
“Hmm, I wonder if you’re feeling disappointed or maybe frustrated?”
Offering a choice makes kids feel supported, not judged. It helps build their own curiosity around emotions. It gives them their own opportunities to reflect on their own feelings with a safe and loving person to guide them.
If you have tried building your child’s emotional vocabulary but big emotions are still contributing to stress for them and your family, play therapy can help. Trained play therapists can work with your child to acknowledge, identify and find helpful responses to emotions of all types. Play Therapists can also work with families on building their skills to support their own child’s emotions, behaviours and regulation. If you feel your child and family would benefit from assistance in this area, please feel free to reach out and contact us on admin@corekidstherapy.com.au.
References.
- Brackett, M. et al. (2019). Emotional intelligence and children’s outcomes.
- Denham, S. (1998). Emotional Development in Young Children.
- Ekman, P. (1970). Universal Facial Expressions of Emotion.
- Lieberman, M. et al. (2007). Putting feelings into words reduces affective responses.
- Siegel, D. & Bryson, T. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child.
