A common revelation for many parents and caregivers I have the honour of working with is just how important a child’s play – their play – is. And I say important because a child uses play to make sense of the world, to process events and interactions with peers, family members, and other significant people in their lives. Play becomes a space where children can explore freely, without real-life consequences.
So, how do you see or notice when a child is using play to process everyday experiences?
I see it in my own child. For example, how an interaction with a peer might later appear in her imaginative play. So how does it happen? It happens when a child is given the freedom to play without too many restrictions or adult input. The moment I step into her play and begin to influence it, it stops being her imaginative world. Instead, she starts to accommodate me. And while there is a time and place for a child to learn to accommodate and engage in cooperative play, when it comes to processing, we want the child to lead.
So, what can we notice?
Often, the play script or the actions the characters carry out look and sound familiar – they echo real-life events. Events we, as parents or caregivers, may have witnessed or associated with kindergarten, daycare, or school. Children take the real world into their imaginative world – a world they control, where they decide the outcome.
To give you a personal example that connects this idea of processing everyday life through play:
Recently, at a shopping centre, my little one entered a play area. Soon after, another child of a similar age joined. An interaction occurred – my child was grabbed by the arm and pushed down a step. The other child continued playing, while mine retreated to me, seeking reassurance and connection. In that moment, my child decided not to play with the other child and avoided the area the child was in.
When we returned home, and over the following days, I noticed this exact story became a central theme in her play with miniatures. I could see the event being replayed – reflected in the play.
But as time went on, the story began to change. What started as a retelling of the real event slowly transformed into this:
The child who pushed was taken away and told that pushing and grabbing were not okay. The character who was pushed was comforted by the “mum” in the play. Eventually, that character returned to play – with no hesitation – even though the other child was still present.
This is processing work through play. No adult input required. My child worked through the altercation using the language she knows best: PLAY!
The key takeaway for parents and caregivers is to be attentive to this kind of processing in your child’s everyday play. Do your best not to take over with your own ideas or assumptions about what’s best. I encourage you, as a parent or caregiver, to notice these moments and give your child the space to work through them. You’ll be amazed at their ability to process, understand, and heal – through the power of play.
