The Power of Language in the Play Therapy Room
Children use play as a powerful form of communication—expressing their thoughts, feelings, and wishes through their actions and storytelling. Likewise, the language we use with children holds immense power when used intentionally. Yet, in everyday interactions, adults often fall back on praise to reinforce prosocial behaviour, without always considering its deeper impact.
In Child-Centred Play Therapy (CCPT), we strive to maintain a stance of neutrality and non-judgement about the play a child chooses to engage in. Play is serious business for children—it helps them process and make sense of events and experiences from their everyday lives. The way we communicate during these moments of play can either support or undermine a child’s sense of autonomy, capability, and worth.
In home and school environments, adults often (consciously or not) communicate expectations through their responses to children’s play. For instance, phrases like “You hit Spiderman really hard, I hope he’s not hurt” may seem harmless, but they subtly guide a child toward socially acceptable behaviour. Similarly, “You’ve been playing so quietly together, I’m proud of you” reinforces the adult’s preferred outcomes. While such comments are well-intentioned, they can inadvertently teach children to seek external approval rather than trusting their own inner experiences.
In contrast, language used in CCPT is non-directive and reflective. The therapist’s aim is not to shape behaviour, but to honour the child’s experience, promote self-direction, and support emotional expression. Therapists use reflective language to mirror the child’s actions and feelings, allowing the child to remain in control of the narrative. Some examples of this type of language might include:
- “Feeling powerful with the sword in your hands.”
- “You tried again.”
- “You worked out a different way.”
- “Looking through the binoculars to see what you can see.”
- “The dragon roars louder, letting everyone know she’s angry now.”
- “The tiger feels sad because he’s on his own.”
- “You chose to use that one instead.”
These statements contain no judgements or implied expectations. They do not prompt the child to explain or justify their play. Instead, they reflect the child’s choices and emotional content with acceptance and curiosity. When praise is occasionally used, it highlights the process or effort—not the outcome: “You worked hard to make it just the way you wanted it to be.”
The tone and language used in the play therapy room serve a greater purpose—to convey full presence, attention, and acceptance. The therapist’s goal is to communicate to the child: “I’m here with you. I see you. I accept you.” By acknowledging and validating the child’s experience without redirecting or evaluating it, therapists foster trust and reinforce the child’s belief in their own capacity to make choices, solve problems, and navigate complex emotions.
In conclusion, the words we choose in play therapy can significantly shape how children view themselves and their capabilities. Through a non-judgemental, reflective approach, therapists create a space where children are empowered to explore, feel, and grow. This kind of communication nurtures autonomy, strengthens self-worth, and builds trust—essential ingredients in the therapeutic journey. In essence, when we choose our words with care, we honour the child’s inner world and reinforce their natural ability to learn, heal, and thrive through the language of play.
