Importance of Holding Space for Silence
One of the most remarkable things about child’s play is that play itself becomes the child’s language. Without the need for words, children process their experiences, rehearse feelings and behaviours, and make sense of their world.
This presents a challenge for adults as we have a natural urge to ask questions, to reflect and to label what we see in a child’s play. We want to peer into a child’s inner world, and, language is the window we most readily turn to.
However, filling silence with questions or reflections can subtly interrupt or redirect a child’s play. It can cause them to lose their thread and step outside of their internal experience into performance, responding to/ for us, rather than continuing to explore for themselves. Allowing space for silence prevents us from inadvertently imposing meaning and allows the child’s own meaning to emerge.
There is a second important reason to hold silence in play, it supports mindfulness. Mindfulness involves maintaining awareness of the present moment without judgement. A core concept of mindfulness is an acceptance of present-moment experiences without need for explanation/ interpretation. This aligns closely with the principles of the child-centred play approach.
Learning to hold silence in play with a child is its own practice of patient mindfulness and, like mindfulness, it can be equally challenging and uncomfortable. If we can be calm and comfortable in the presence of silence, we communicate acceptance without demand. This permits the child to enact and process in the way they need to, without explanation or justification. We communicate that the child’s ways of being are acceptable, including quietness, hesitation and not knowing.
When adults refrain from filling space with words, a child has room to become genuinely absorbed in their play. To notice what they are doing, feeling, or imagining without having to narrate or explain it. There is no right answer to give and no performance to maintain. The child has space to simply be.
